Team Outlooks for Season 13

BALTIMORE ORIOLES
90-72 .556 2nd in AL EAST
5 YR Trend 410-400 .506

Baltimore has never been higher than 2nd in the last five years.  Their teams have been solid and always seem to falter mid season before trying to make monster comebacks.  Looking at the average age on the roster, you'd think that the local social security office was getting all relavant paperwork ready for most of the Orioles.  Matty Davis (13-11 4.41), Eddie Mayne (12-12 4.51), and  Matt Thomson (13-13 4.49) are going to be the workhorses of this pitching staff.  A combined 97 starts from these three show that if one or two go down with injury the team could actually be crippled.

On the batting side of this team ne FA signee Craig O'Brien (.318 23 85) comes aboard to try and not only play magician in terms of pitch calling, but add his bat to a lineup that rivals the fabled New York Yankees.  Eddie Adkinson, Jose Barcelo, Farmer Durham all hit over 45 HR and 120 RBI.  When asked to comment on the team's hopes pawelczyk was opptomistic. " We have a solid core on the field, and if our pitching can come around, and our team can somehow play through June, July and August, we might have something for our fans to happy about come playoff time."

Team Outlooks for Season 13

ARIZONA RAMBLERS
81-81 .500 1st in NL WEST
5YR. Trend  442-368 .545

Arizona has been at the top of the NL West three out of the last five years.  A poor .500 record was enough last season to take the division and GM bretrogers looks to improve on that mark. The pitching staff took a big hit when FA Trenidad Bennet (17-9 3.79) was allowed to leave.  Dick Pierce (8-8 4.62) must now step up to lead a pitching staff that includes Edgar Lugo (10-11 4.90) and Bobby Marshall (9-8 5.26). With a team ERA of 5.26 last season new PC Ryan Belhorn must squeeze juice from an almost dry lemon.

On the offensive side Rigo Figureoa ( .266 48 112) and Frank Cornelius (.280 37 90) have got to carry the burden of run producing once again this season.  If Candy Paronto can get on base consistently (39 SB) then maybe the plan of long ball run producing can work.

If you build it..... they WILL come.

The New York Kabooms led by GM Madmuldoon today invited the RNL press corps to the historic unveiling of their new 56.9 million dollar luxury skybox renovation. Citing the need to bring in more fans (at a premium price, of course) the team asked for and was given tax free municipal bonds to omplete the work. Said Muldoon when asked, "With these seats we can lower the price of a beer from $29.00 to $22.00 a cup and we can scrap the "Free Brie and Spinach quiche with every white wine spritzer " idea we were developing with Wolfgang Puck. See the attached picture f the new seating.

Who needs the Oscar when you can win this?

While Hollywood was celebrating the best of the motion picture industry with the Oscars, we here at the Gazette decided to award the First Ever FUZZY BUNNY BASTARD AWARD FOR INCOMPETENCE.

The criteria is secret, the voting participants not known, but after careful consideration..... the winner is .....

Reigny... GM of the Monterrey Desert Dawgs.

(since joining the world in season three... the Dawgs have failed to impress, brining a career record of 386-748 .304 with 5 consecutive 100 loss seasons) and so we give you the award.

Season TEN.... The Winds of Revolution

Season ten has come upon us. Revolution has occured. The governing regime has been toppled. The new leadership has begun. All Hail our new commisioner......Douglasdao (pictured here). But how did this happen?... the Ducksnort Gazette has the scoop.

As season nine ended tiskingmoon decided that after a great and highly succesful season, she was going to get some rest and relaxation. After hopping on her private jet and jaunting off to Switzerland, she was seen entering Herr Kipling's Spa and Cosmetic Enhancement Camp. It was then that douglas made his move. Calling in his "new recruits", he shamelessly campaigned for the commish job saying that all teams in his league would have the chance to compete for the crown, not just the rich. At the winter GM meetings (held in beautful Burbank CA at Cliff's Wonderland Hotel, home of the rubber sheets and four hour nap 555-Cal-lCliff), without the slightest whimper, the change was complete.

You may ask who he enlisted to help him in his coup, and although the CIA, NSA, and the National Zoo refused to release their service records, we were able to sneak a quick picture of his companions. They are identified as Madison Lager GM btonn, Cleveland Rocks honcho jimdecrew, and Sacramento Solons boss, greekhero46. (Seen above from left to right ). We welcome our new administration and look forward to many years of solid leadership andultra right wing razzing.

(With Apologies to Mr. Obama).... A Season of Change

After eight seasons, EWD has stepped aside as commisioner of the Rice Not Lynn Hardball Dynasty world. As we enter season nine, Tiskingmoon has taken the reigns of leadership.

Ewd was forced to step aside after a "slight" company trip and an exhaustive 36 hour poker game left him the deed and ownership of the World Famous Bunny Ranch brothel (Ewd wanted me to remind you all, mention this post and receive 20% off any service ,excluding anything using whips, chains, or three foot midgets) where the conflict of interest could have reared its ugly head.

Tiskingmoon took it upon herself to declare that season nine "would be a season of hope.... a season of change... no longer would the big payroll teams be looked after..... this is a season for the underdogs.....

Congrats to Ewd for the change of jobs, and welcome Madam Commisioner.

(photos of Tiskingmoon above and Ewd below)

NL EAST Preview

WASHINGTON D.C. CAPITAL CITY CAPITALS (103-59 1st)

Darrel Kelly (.291 51 123 64SB) is a talented 25 yr old who makes people think of a young Willie Mays. The kid has it all, power, speed, and the talent to make a mark in the RNL Hall of Fame when he retires. Cookie Redondo (.313 46 133) makes a lethal 1-2 combo in any batting order. Bring aboard two talented experienced pitchers in Mateo Diaz and Miguel Borbon, and D.C. might be able to continue dominance in this division.

CHICAGO UNTOUCHABLES (71-91 3rd)

Chicago starts this year's campaign again having to see the same sights as last season. The pain of losing seven players to free agency was softened by the signing of four ( the average age of the signees was 36.9 yrs old). One has to wonder if Chicago management is just trying to stop gap fill until the youngsters are ready for the move up to the bigs. Milton May is a talented hitter who came over last year from D.C. and has provided the needed clubhouse leadership that was sorely lacking. Winning the division? Not this year. Final division standing? Second.

NEW YORK CHOP SHOPS (84-78 2nd)

When looking at hard luck franchises in a league, New York is the prime example. The Shops have averaged at least 80 wins over the last 5 seasons but can't break into the spotlight of division champs. GM orangeboy summed up his team at the press luncheon as this " I think we can win as long as the injury bug avoids us. We always get out to a fast start then our lack of training kills us and we drop like rocks." Damaso Nunez has been asked to step in as the team ace and hopefully he can lead the squad to the coveted ring.

DURHAM DOGZ (70-92 4th)

With a five game slide in the win column from the previous season, Durham looks to try and stay competitive in this division. Fausto Serra (157 career saves) returns to a squad that looks to finish in the bottom of the division pool once again. Ebenezar Cyr is a strong young gun that has become the face of the franchise. Right smack dab in the middle of his contract, Cyr needs to show he's ready to shoulder this team on. Quinton Jenkins, another youngster should provide backup in the lineup to force pitchers to throw strikes at Cyr. Vin Turner looks to rebound from a disappointing season 7 (5-10 4.14) to help keep the young staff in line.

Projected Finish

1) Washington D.C. Capital City Capitals
2) Chicago Untouchables
3) New York Chop Shops
4) Durham Dogz